The Barsted King of England

One song on my playlist this week on Radio Dé Danann is what is listed on the original CD as "The Barsted King of England".  Whwen I went looking for the lyrics, the title was changed to "Bastard".  According to one site the reputed author is Rudyard Kipling.  If that is so, it would be my guess that he would find the old saw "Do you like Kipling?"  "I don't know.  I have never Kippled." quite hysterical.

The version I play is Derek Lamb's from the album, "She Was Poor but She Was Honest".  In it the King of England sends his minister Zippity-Zap to give the King of France a dose of "clippity clap".

The Bastad King of England

Now the minstrels sing of an English king of many long years ago
He ruled his land with an iron hand though his morals were weak and low
His only other garment was a dirty yeller shirt
With which he tried to hide his hide but he couldn't hide the dirt.

(Chorus Below)

He was dirty and lousy and full of fleas
But he had his women by twos and threes
God bless the Bastard King of England.

Now the Queen of Spain was an amorous Jane
A lascivious wench was she
She longed to play in her loving way with the king across the sea
So she sent a royal message with a royal messenger
To invite the King of England down to spend the night with her.

(Chorus)

Well when Phillip of France he heard it by chance
He declared before his court,
"The Queen prefers my rival just because I'm somewhat short."
So he sent the Count of Zippity-Zap
To give to the Queen a dose of clap
To pass it on to the Bastard King of England.

(Chorus)

When the King of England heard the news
He cursed the Gallic farce
He up and swore by the royal whore he'd have the Frenchman's arse
He offered half the royal purse and a piece of Queen Hortense
To any British subject who'd undo the King of France.

(Chorus)

So the Earl of Sussex jumped on his horse and straightway rode to France
Where he made a pass and he stripped the sash from Phillip's pajama pants
And in front of a throng he slipped on a thong
Leaped on his horse and galloped along
Draggin' the Frenchman back to merry England.

(Chorus)

When the King of England he saw the sight he felt in a faint on the floor
For during the ride his rival's hide was stretched a yard or more
And all the maids of England came down to London town
And shouted 'round the battlements, "To hell with the British crown."
So Phillip of France usurped the throne
His scepter was the royal bone
With which he bitched the Bastard King of England.

(Chorus)

An alternate version:
The Bastard King of England

Oh, the minstrels sing of an English King of many long years ago
Who ruled his land with an iron hand though his mind was weak and low.
He love to shag the royal stag that roamed the royal wood,
But better yet to lie in bed and pull the royal pud.
His only outer garment was a dirty undershirt
That managed to hide the royal pride but couldn't hide the dirt.

Chorus:
He was wild and woolly and full of fleas
And his terrible tool hung down to his knees---
God bless the Bastard king of England.

Oh, the Queen of Spain was an amorous Jane,
And a sprightly dame was she;
Who loved to fool with the royal tool
Of the King across the sea.
So she sent a royal message by a royal messenger
To ask the King to bring his ding and spend a night with her.

(Cho.)

When Philip of France heard this, by chance
He declared, before his court:
"The Queen prefers my rival, because my dong is short."
So he sent the Count of Zippity-Zap to slip the Queen a dose of
the clap
To pass it to the Bastard King of England.

(Cho.)

When the King of England heard of this, he was walking through his halls
And he up and swore by the royal whore that he'd have the Frenchman's balls
He offered up both half his lands and a piece of the Queen Hortense
To any British subject who'd de-nut the King of France.

(Cho.)

Well the Earl of Sussex heard of this and straight-aways went to
France
Where he swore he was a fairy, so the King let down his pants,
He knotted a thong around that prong, and jumped on his horse, and rode along
And dragged him to the bastard king of England. (Cho.)
When the King of England saw this sight, he s*** all over the floor,
For during the ride, his rival's pride had stretched a yard or more
Then the merry maids of England, came down from London town
And shouted 'round the castle walls "To Hell with the British crown!"

And Philip of France usurped the throne, his scepter was the royal bone
By which he'd bitched the bastard King of England!

(Cho.)

Another version:

Celtic Music of Spain

Nan is away until tomorrow. Hope you are enjoying the book trailers! An now for something completely different.

Introducing Radio Dé Danaan

Radio Dé Danaan

Yesterday, 15 January, marked the first broadcast of Radio Dé Danaan on Live365.co9m. Some of you may recall that for about ten months I had the pleasure of hosting an hour-long program of Celtic music on Phoenix Internet Radio, a college station in Arizona. Since that idyllic sojourn came to an end in June, I have longed to find a way to share my somewhat eclectic tastes in Celtic music via the Internet.

That darling man, Jim, to whom I am married, bought me Live365.com Internet radio station for the combination of our anniversary, Christmas and my birthday, which all happen in the space of a couple weeks! I have named it Radio De Danaan and launched it first three hour repreating shuffle of music last evening.

You can visit Radio Dé Danaan from the link at http://radiodedanaan.blogspot.com.

It is on day and night. When I say my tastes in Celtic music are eclectic, what I mean is that I look for music from the pan-Celtic world -- that is, not only Ireland, Scotland and Wales, but also Cornwall, the Isle of man, Brittany, the Celtic music of Asturias and Galicia in Spain, and Cape Breton in Canada, as well as Celtic music played by musicians in other areas, such as India's Chimaya Celtic ragas and Afro-Celtic Sound System. I also look for other music styles playing traditional Celtic music, such as Fathom's rock version of Foggy Dew, as well as the opposite, Celtic versions of well known songs from other styles, like the album, The Celtic Tribute to led Zeppelin. The plan for Radio De Danaan is as well to offer air time to local bands like Akron's The Mickeys and Seattle's Piper's Creek.

Why Dé Danaan? The Tuatha dé Danaan were part of Irish mythological tradition. You can read about them at Shee-Eire.

"The Tuatha Dé Danann (which means the people of Danu) arrived in Ireland bearing with them their stone of destiny called the Lia Fail which they placed on the mound of Tara and ever after the rightful kings of Ireland were chosen when it called out. They also brought the spear of Lugh which ensured victory to whoever wielded it, The Sword of Nuada from whom none could escape and the Cauldron of the Dagda from which none would go unsatisfied.

"There is a story that they came to Ireland in flying ships but could not land as the Fomorians had set up a great energy field that they could not penetrate. So they had to circle Ireland nine times before finding a breach in the energy field and setting down on Sliabh an Iarainn (The Iron Mountains) in Co. Leitrim."

(You can read a stirring scene where the Lia Fail cries aloud when Brian Boru steps upon it to be crowned King of All Ireland in Morgan llewelyn's Lion of Ireland.)

For now the station plays a shuffle of about three hours or so of music. I plan to do produced pieces as well. I want to include authors' readings of their own work, so get in touch if you would like to participate. My ultimate goal is to make Radio Dé Danaan a place to listen not only to the breadth of Celtic music, but medieval and Renaissance as well, and spoken word programs about books.

Please tune in and let me know what you think. If you sign up on Live365.com for a VIP membership you will be spared the ads for jobs at the CIA. I will be putting ads of a sort on my station, but not charging for them in most cases.. if you have an mp3 ad for your book, I will add it to the shuffle.

Enjoy!