You Were Looking for WHAT?

When Susan Higginbotham does her semi-monthly list of search terms that landed the unwary on her blog, Medieval Woman: Blogging with Historical Fiction Writer Susan Higginbotham, she always gets a good belly laugh from me.. and everyone else who reads them. And it reminds me to go check my own. So at the risk of looking like I ripped a leaf out her one of Susan's books, here goes.

gay medieval clipart

You mean, pictures of Piers Gaveston?

anglo saxon riddle of a radio

Um, I am pretty sure there wasn't one!

nan hawthorne sarah junkin

Well, you found one of us.

villains in the 10th century

It depends whose side you were on, but I suppose: Athelstan, King of East Anglia, Queen Alfthryth who murdered her saintly stepson Edward the Martyr, Sveyn Forkbeard... Or did you mean villeins?

mahayana Split Croatia

Does this mean my site was the top one in the world with the word "split" in it? Cuz I can be reasonably confident the other two words are not.

booking shaggy

For what? Failing to curb Scoobydoo?

etiquette middle ages

Always be sure to say "Excuse me" before you hack off anyone's head.

origins of the word hawthorn

Sorry, best I can do is the origin of the person Hawthorne.

nan hawthorne medieval

Yea verily, damn straight!

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What They Would Have Asked Santa For

Susan Higginbotham and I have been thinking about various historical and historical fiction characters and what they might have asked for while sitting on Santa's lap. Here is what we came up with -- see if you can guess which entries are whose.

Edward I -- Scotland.

Ethelred the Unready -- A day planner

Piers Gaveston -- Just something handmade. No, really! Well . . . if you insist, jewels are always appropriate.

Isabella of France -- My jewels back.

Alfred the Great - An oven timer

Hugh le Despenser the younger -- Whatever someone else is getting.

Roger Mortimer -- Hugh on a platter.

Aethelflaed, Lady of the Mercians -- For Bernard Cornwell to get me right in his novels

Edward II -- Fodor's Guide to Italy.

Harold Godwinson - Edward the Confessor's will in writing.. or not

Godiva of Coventry - Super hold hair spray

Edward III -- France.

Offa of Mercia - A really butch Welsh dyke

Branwen Jones - For the King of Mercia to leave me the heck alone.

Edward IV -- Getting to Yes.

Ivar the Boneless - You have to ask?!

Elizabeth Woodville -- An agreeable second husband who will be nice to my large family.

Aethelwald, son of Ethelred - Primo genitor

Richard the Lion-hearted -- To go on a nice long cruise.

Richard, Duke of Gloucester Something round and gold and shiny that fits nicely on my head. (Later, when king -- a horse.)

Henry Tudor -- Something round and gold and shiny that fits nicely on my head.

William Rufus -- A new archery set.

Henry VIII -- 6 free sessions of marriage counseling.

Nicholas de Fleury -- I'm not sure. I keep penduluming back and forth about that.

Anne Boleyn -- Morning sickness.

Katherine Howard -- Someone my own age to pal around with.

Katherine Parr -- Widow's weeds.

Lawrence of Críslicland - For a certain Breton mercenary to take a long walk off a short pier

Boswell the cairn terrier -- Mom to get off her duff and take me for a walk.

Macdhui the Duck, a cat -- For a credible explanation why we have not gone in the car for such a looong time.

Glad Yule and a happy and loving 2009!

Image: Harold Godwinson in the Bayeux Tapestry.