"An Involuntary King" Outtake

One of the fun things about writing novels is the relationship one builds with characters. I don't know how many authors do this, but I have had character panels and even written myself into the stories from time to time.

Here is one of the latter instances from my novel, An Involuntary King, meant to fit into the point in the first draft where Lawrence leaves Josephine alone while he waltzes off to his new fortress. Incidentally, my "co-author" Laura did not like this story at all. Unlike me she prefers not to admit to a personal relationship with the characters... ahem.

See old, new and outtakes stories from An Involuntary King on the An Involuntary King: The Stories blog.

The King and Queen were about to take their leave of each other, she to stay behind and he to go off to his new capital.

Suddenly out of nowhere two women appeared near them. One was short and stout and had long currently red hair and they both appeared by 8th century standards to be in their late 30s but were in fact in their 50s. Both were dressed very oddly.

The red haired one strode over to where Lawrence was preparing to mount his horse. Before anyone could move, she had grabbed him by an earlobe and was dragging him to one side. "You, my dear Lawrence, need a Timeout," she said, reprovingly.

Meanwhile the other woman with one hand on her hip was in Josephine's face waving a scolding finger. "Are you ever going to get a spine, Josephine?" Josephine stepped back, but the woman just advanced on her. "Why are you two always making yourselves miserable?"

The woman who had pulled Lawrence aside was similarly berating the King. "OK, so your willy doesn't work right now.. that doesn't mean you have to go off and pout. I thought you were supposed to be so devoted to Josephine. Why are you going off and leaving her alone with your child. Do you have any idea what that could lead to?"

The woman with Josephine heard this and added, "Yes, with your pathological need to be loved and adored.. don't you know what that does to men?"

Josephine looked over at Lawrence. "His willy isn't working?"

Lawrence blushed. The woman with him snapped, "Oh grow up. You were wounded.. it happens. You'll get over it." She pressed a button on her watch and a quiet man's voice said the time. "In fact any time now."

Lorin, who was standing watching all this, came up and cleared his throat. They all four looked at him. "Well met,. Laura. Well met, Nan."

Laura and Nan exchanged glances.

Lorin, in his dignified way, simply went on. "Begging thy leave, mayst I remind thee that thou wrote all this nonsense."

Nan looked defensive. Well yeah, but we were teenagers."

Lorin's look was withering. "Aye, but thou art not teenagers now. "

Laura crossed her arms. "Well what do you want, Lorin? To leave him enchanted and out of his mind or in a coma for the umpteenth time and her running off to France, managing to conceive twins immaculately?"

Now it was Lawrence and Josephine who exchanged glances and looked puzzled.

"Enchanted? A coma?" he asked.

"Twins? Immaculately?" she repeated.

Nan protested, "Yeah, at least this is more realistic."

Lorin gazed at his two authors will ill conceived irritation. "If thou canst rewrite it that far, then why cannot thou make them happy for once?" He looked over at his very pregnant wife Anne. "And now thou art going to kill off my Anne." Behind him Anne gasped.

Nan muttered, "Well there are rules about these things..."

Laura affirmed, "It wouldn't be The Story anymore if we change things too much."

Lawrence and Josephine had left their respective authors and were now clinging to each other for support.

Lorin said, "All I am saying, my ladies, is that do what thou wilt, do not chide thy creations for doing what thou hast made them do."

Again Laura and Nan looked at each other. Then each went to her respective creation.

"Jo, it does get better.. eventually," Laura said.

Nan nodded as she gave the King a hug. "I'd say keep your pecker in your pocket but then Tavish would never be born." She turned to Josephine and gave her a hug too. "He adores you, you know."

Laura nodded, "And if I thought you'd remember this for more than ten minutes, I'd tell you, Lawrence, that she is never in love with anyone but you."

And they winked out.

Lawrence breathed, "Those two scare the shit out of me." His wife nodded and buried her face in his chest.

Sorry, Laura.

Image: A drawing I did at about 15 of what Lawrence and josephine would have looked like in the 1960s.