A king was preparing to ride off on a quest. Before he leaves, he locks up the queen with a chastity belt and calls in his most trusted knight and hands him the key. "Sir Percival, here is the key to my queen's honor. Should I fall in battle, it is to you to release her from her belt so she might marry again." He then leaves on his journey. At the top of a hill, he turns back for one last look at his castle and is surprised to see Sir Percival riding breakneck in pursuit. "My lord, my lord....wait! You have given me the wrong key!"
After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he’d see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.
A week later, King Arthur was back in Merlin’s laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. “This is no good, Merlin!” the king exclaimed, “Look at this opening.. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?”
“Ah, sire, just observe.” said Merlin as he searched his cluttered work bench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn-out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.
“Merlin, you are a genius!” said the greatful monarch, “Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.”
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot.
Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal ’short arm’ inspection. Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
“Sir Galahad,” exclaimed King Arthur, “The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!”
But Sir Galahad was speechless…
Sure enough, the woman died a short time later.
The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death.
He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!"
The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave.
"I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die three days later."
“Well, sire, I have been robbing and stealing on your behalf for weeks, burning the all of the villages of your enemies in the north.”
The king was horrified. “But I have no enemies in the north,” he said.
“Well,” said the knight, “you do now.”
Raided fron http://forums.taleworlds.com/index.php?topic=58578.0.
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