By Kirstin Cronn-Mills
Reviewed by Christopher Hawthorne Moss
Gabe Williams has found his niche, his love for music, fed by the support and resources of John, a pioneer rock DJ, having led him to create a late night community radio program he calls “Beautiful Music for Ugly Children.” He discovers quickly that he is darn good at broadcasting and that he has a devoted fan club. The only hitch is that his fans, mostly from his own high school, know him as Liz. Will they still like him and his show when they find out he is transgender? Will his family and closest friends accept him with the authentic identity he has embraced? Using recording industry terminology, he calls his female identity his “A side” after the better known song on a 45 RPM. His “B side” is who he really is and wants to present to the world. He quips “Show us your B side!” and starts a movement of self-expression in his town.
As his fandom of “Ugly Children” grows and participates in weekly stunts, he fears being outed as that girl Liz in school. Inevitably a fellow student makes him and spreads the word. Along with support, Gabe starts getting threats that culminate in an act of violence that affects one of his dearest friends. He starts to wonder whether he can be himself in the world he lives in.
Gabe is entirely believable, neither two dimensional nor needlessly complex. His friends and family ring true as well, and, horrifying though the memories are, life in high school with all its social strata and expectations.
First let me tell you that, as a transman myself, pretty much everything Gave experiences was absolutely what I have, in spite of the fact I’m an old man now at 61. Our only real difference beyond age is that Gabe loves women, while I am a gay transman. Oh, and I have never seriously contemplated suicide. Lucky for me, since I didn’t have a best friend like Gabe’s to talk me out of it. But Gabe’s attempts to get recognition from family, schoolmates and friends is familiar to me, as is the mixed bag of clothing choices – yes, men’s clothes are more comfortable, but not so much the chest binder a transman wears. Just how to be yourself after years of conditioning as someone quite other is a big challenge.
Any lover of rock music will love the book. Gabe and his hero John are experts on the subject, and as an old radio fan it was a joy to listen to the recording industry and broadcasting lore. It was all quite familiar and dead on accurate as far as I could verify.
This is easily my favorite novel about a contemporary transman so far. It is just such a professional job of composition and execution and so full of authenticity. It’s also fun to read, though with tense moments.
“Tell us about your B side!”
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