A Historical Shaggy Dog Story

[Looking for the latest Historical Fiction Round-up? It's right here. Don't forget to come bqack and read the joke.]

We all know that Alexander the Great was a mighty general. His cutting of the Gordian Knot alone would have made him timeless.

What most people don't know about him is that he planned his battles with great precision, down to the minute and second. There was just one problem. There were no clocks, no watches, no chronometer. A sundial just wasn't precise enough. So he let it be known that he would give his weight in gold to any man who could invent some way of keeping track of time, something that was portable and easy to use. And accurate.

One particularly clever fellow came to Alexander one day with a marvelous invention. Alexander bade him demonstrate the miraculous thing. When the man put a simple strip of cloth on the table before him, Alexander growled and raised his arm to summon his guards to drag the prankster away.

The man pleaded, "No, wait, O Great General. It is not simply a piece of rag. I have soaked it in a secret solution. It will change color for every second, minute and hour. Here, let me show you."

The man took the strip of cloth and tied it around Alexander's wrist. He was relieved that he had thought to make it longer than it would have been for his own wrist, as indeed Alexander's muscular build gave him a large forearm and wrist.

Alexander held up his wrist and gazed at the thing. "Nothing is happening. When will it start to work?"

"I am sorry, my lord, I should have said. It only works if you are out of doors. It depends on the rays of the sun."

Alexander nodded curtly. "Bring him!" he commanded his guards. He led the way out of the building and into the sun, the guards drahhing the poor inventor. They stood in the sun for a moment, then Alexander let out an astonished cry. "Look! It is changing color!"

Everyone gathered around. Indeed, the strip of rag tied around Alexander's wrist had turned a beautiful Adriatic blue. After less than a heartbeat, it changed to a red as dark as Assyrian wine. As the seconds passed, the rag turned yellow, then orange, then purple, then green.

Later the inventor was on his way home with a cartload of gold amounting to his own weight. A neighbor clutched at his arm. "Where did all this gold come from?"

The inventor said, "It was my reward from the great general."

"Whatever for?" his neighbor asked.

"For my latest invention, Alexander's rag time-band."