What Is the Opposite of "Modesty"?

Why is it that when I went online to find quotes that question the absolute virtue of modesty I found little, even from Oscar Wilde? And why, when I sought the opposite of "modesty" what I found was "Pride", "vanity" and "arrogance"? Why are quotes about pride always negative? If it's such a terrible thing, why do we use it to denote self-respect of an entire group, such as Black Pride and Gay Pride?

I love this line from Whitman: "I celebrate myself, I sing myself!" And why the hell not? If there is anything I can't stand it's all this modesty among authors. I heard from an author friend the other day telling me that she had won an honor, much to her surprise. Now I read the novel she is being patted on the back for. I understand completely why she is being recognized. It is a terrific novel, and I enjoyed it immensely.

She's not the only author who has told me that my words of praise are "kind". Kind has nothing to do with it. What does is appreciation, respect, and intelligent discernment.

Having written a book many years ago about women and self esteem, I'm not really all that surprised, but I am still quite saddened. This plague of modesty is not just a female ill, but we have raised it to a fine art. For some reason we think a sense of accomplishment, pride in our talent and work, is a dishonorable thing. We should fold our hands, blush and keep our eyes down.

But isn't this an insult to everyone who reads our work, enjoys it, admires it, and tells us so? When my friend tells me I am being kind, is she not implying that I have no freaking idea what I am talking about?

First, I want to hear the author say, "Thanks, I am so glad you feel that way."

Then I want to hear her feeling good about what she achieved. Otherwise why did she do it? As my husband says in his inimitable way, "If it's not good, then why is she wasting everyone's time with it?"

The fact is that all of us are talented. Some are more so than others, but frankly I don't see this as a competition. We should be celebrating ourselves, singing ourselves. Accepting praise with candid pleasure.

You know what? I am sharp as a tack. I write very well and have some skills that are well above average. I'm also wildly resourceful. I love to help people and am virtually tireless. So are many other people. Others still have many other qualities. Yes, they do, and if any of them tell me saying so is kind, I will start screaming.

Celebrate yourself, sing yourself... damn it.

"Say it loud! 'I'm a terrific writer and I'm proud!'"